sperm count joke

up4it · MegaMan Joined: 20 Sep 2007

A 85 year old man went to the Dr.’s office to get a sperm count.The Dr. gave him a jar and said,” Take this jar home and and bring back a semen sample tomorrow .”
The next day the old man reappeared at the Dr.’s office and give him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day . The Dr. asked what happened and the old man explained…
” Well Dr. it’s like this - first I tried with my right hand but nothing then I tried with my left hand but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help , she tried with her right hand and then with left hand but still nothing. then she tried with her mouth first with teeth in and then teeth out .But still nothing.We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too. First with her both hands then with her armpit and she even tried squeezen’ it between her knees,but still nothing.”

The Dr. was shocked ,”you asked your neighbor?” The Old man replied ” Yep, and no matter what we tried ,we still could not get the jar open

zummitt · MegaMan Joined: 19 Sep 2007

This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now they're on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay. One night, in the men's room, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal. To his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his penis. "Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help noticing your tattoo. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?" "No way, mon, I work for the Tourist board. Mine reads, "Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.'"

Roco · MegaMan Joined: 12 Sep 2007

Very good jokes! I knew the second one with "Welcome to Miami Beach where the sun is shining and etc etc..."

hustler · MegaMan Joined: 19 Sep 2007

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend

toots · MegaMan Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Four sisters in a church are going to confess. the first of them to the
sin that she had touched the sexual parts of a man with her right hand. So
the priest tells her to wash her right hand in holy water and to say fifty
Hail Mary's. Then the second sister comes in the confession booth and says
"I'm sorry father, but I have sinned. I have had a man's sex in my left
hand." The priest becomes angry and tells her "You must wash your left hand
in holy water and then pray 100 times to Mary."
Then the fourth sister says to the third "Please let me go before you,
because I don't want to wash my mouth in the water after you've had to wash
your ass in it."

billybigboy · MegaMan Joined: 19 Sep 2007

TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Roco · MegaMan Joined: 12 Sep 2007

This is so true regarding the vagina. I wonder how it felt to do something like that. You don't have erection problems, you don't have to find that G-spot and many other advantages. Anyway, I like being a man.

Jennifer · MegaMan Joined: 18 Sep 2007

Well, my dear roco, if you really want your baby to have the greatest orgasm she has ever had you must find her G-spot, otherwise she can meet someone else who really cares abbout finding her G and then you might ..loose her smile

. This is just an advice.